Family Fued

Family Feud, an interesting game where 2 teams go up against each other and try to out wit the other. In the real world it has a total different meaning. A family feud is where members of the same family are fighting among each other. It seems there are usually people in every family who are trying to compete against each other, tear down someone else, or just create so much heart ache that that person decides peace in their life is more important than family. I am strong on family ties but when members of my family are naive enough to believe rumors and do not care to ask me if it was true, well I would rather disassociate myself than have to defend myself for something I didn't start, didn't do , or didn't say. Or what I had said was taken out of context.  My suggestion to all family feuds ... Grow up , it's not always about you, not everyone is out to get you, and stop spreading rumors. Smile and carry on.

Spread Pixie Dust, Think happy thoughts, and you can fly

Peter pan was an interesting story. About a boy who refused to grow up so he drowned out reality by playing in a magic dust that when he thought happy thoughts the dust would make him fly. Lol what on earth were they thinking? Pixie Dust ??

I spent most of my childhood playing and living the best childhood I could have asked for. Getting into trouble with my brothers and friends. Building forts and playing all summer. I had a temper even then so I got into a lot of fights with my friends and others. It got me into a lot of trouble. Till I was 13 my life was pretty close to perfect. After 13 my life changed.

Looking back having such a perfect childhood was not really preparing me for real life. When life hit me I had no Idea how to react , no coping skills, and I collapsed. Sunk into a deep depression and fell apart. I married young to escape the nightmare that was D.W. and ended up starting a new one. Between my first husband cheating on me with the baby sitter , to my daughters dad beating me, well, Living with L.J my second husband was a stable retreat. I started rebuilding myself for myself and my kids.

I forgave my mother but I still carried a lot of anger toward her for what she had said to me when I told her about D.W. when I was 15. It was in 2000 just before we lost her to cancer when I finally fully forgave her. She opened up to me and enlightened me and yet again became my Hero. She was an amazing woman to me when I was young. Helping so many with their problems talking them through things. She and my daddy took care of countless families. Giving what they had to better the lives of so many. I had no idea the mistakes and the regret she carried around beating herself up about some very bad choices she made. In December of 2000 just after Christmas I sat at the edge of her bed and cried as I listened to my mother tell me about some things she was not proud of . Terrible choices she made when raising her first 4. She put money first and did anything to get it. I was horrified at the stories and I looked at her like I had just met a stranger. The woman she spoke of was not the same woman who raised my brother and I. My mother was not this terrible mom she was talking about? I am sure she could see the confusion on my face as she explained. When she met my father she started over in every sense of the word and so did my dad. They had both messed up and decided they would start from scratch.

My dad was 38 when my brother was born and mom 37. Two years later I came along. The doctors said mom couldn't get pregnant again so mom liked to call me her miracle baby. She told me how they changed their thinking, changed their life, and changed their heart. By the time she had my brother and I money was no longer the most important thing. It was family. My dad worked hard to take care of us and my mother worked hard at changing the world. I wanted to be like them both. I wanted to work for everything like my father and spend it all taking care of people like my mother. I watched night after night when my mother would be talking to people about their problems easing their pain as they cried on her shoulder. I was learning while sitting there beside her why she was able to give advice. She had lived through and had so many regrets. She told me that she tried so hard to protect me from bad things and when I told her about D.W she went into denial. She didn't want to believe it happened because it meant she failed again. It happened anyway and she said she felt like everything she did to change was for nothing. NOT for nothing Mother... It was for me and my daughter. I learned I was at least the third generation of women in our family with violent anger issues, directed mostly toward men. I worked the 12 step program and recovered from my anger addiction. My daughter didn't grow up watching my get violent like I had seen. She gets angry but not violent. I broke the cycle with both of my children. That conversation with mother helped me more than anything in this world. Even at 40 you are not too old to change yourself, to start new, and change your life.

I was so depressed when I lost my kids. I didn't want to breathe, I didn't want to live, and I hated to smile. I heard once," force a smile and see what happens to the people around you. " So I did, I forced a smile every morning when I left the house. People responded with a smile. Before too long it got easier and easier. I knew I had to change myself for my daughter like my mother did for my brother and I. I educated myself in people. I became stronger and a good listener. Finding out just how much people really do need each other to heal and grow.

Acceptance was a big issue for most as well including me.

Somewhere in all that mess I figured out that no matter how bad life got sometimes I was really lucky to be a part of it. I had a huge opportunity to help others. It wasn't very often that I let people know what I had gone through. No instead I just reached out to people. Offered a smile when people were angry. I made it a mission to give a smile to everyone who came into my life. Even if they were just passing through. I would compliment this woman on her dress, that man on his watch, or the cashier on their name. I would sit eagerly waiting to hear the story to follow, to see if the dress was a bargain or a gift. If the watch was given to them by their grandfather or if their great great grandparent shared their name. Smiles healed me and the stories educated me.

I stopped to read a poem from a mans pocket once. He had taken it out to have a man read it. The man said he didn't understand it. He cried there in the store when he heard me explain what the poem meant. He said I was the only one so far who understood. I encouraged him to keep writing because the only one it needs to make sense to, was him.

My neighbor once said I go around spreading pixie dust on people. Giving the happy thoughts and taking them briefly to a happy place. I liked that... I don't know that I am like Peter pan because I need my parents but I do not want to grow up. I want to spread Pixie dust and happy thoughts. It makes me happy to make people smile, so that's what I do.

I thank the Lord everyday for who I became and I am a better mother, friend, sister and daughter because of all that I learned and I am still learning.

Try spreading Pixie dust and see what happens. :)

If you love me, Why do you hit me?

I just read a blog from a woman who is like a sister to me. We are alike in a lot of ways. At one time we looked a lot alike which is one of the reasons D.W said he chased after her. He once told me that the fact she was an artist also reminded him of me. So a part of me may carry a little guilt from the terror she later survived.

My parents had searched all over the place looking for a good school for my handicapped little bubba T.C and Shawnee had some of the best resources so here we ended up. They had bought a nice big 4 bedroom house so there was plenty of room for all of us kids.

I was 13 when my mother took him in, it was not long after we had moved here to Shawnee. In my 20's I remember starting the phrase that my mother liked to take in strays. My mother helped a lot of people and had a big heart with plenty of room for one more. At that time mom had taken in Robbie and D.W. Add them to my other brothers and there were a total of 5 boys. Yep I was out numbered. Our new house here in Shawnee had burnt down in the winter just before my 14th birthday, my dad gave my mom the choice to buy a very nice double wide or rebuild. Mom chose to rebuild bigger and better but while the house was being built we would need a place to live right? So they bought a little 2 bedroom house 2 doors down. If you have been paying attention there are now 6 kids and 2 adults living in a small 2 bedroom house. That's where my terror started.

D.W. was 2 years older than I was and needless to say he was more experienced. The first time he touched me was at my grandmas house and he said," I know you don't like it but you'll get use to it." ...Looking back now... Get Use to it ??? WTF It wasn't very long after that I ended up in a relationship of sorts? I was 13 and now playing house, for real. My father was a very hard worker and would be gone a week at a time and my mother was now fighting depression and was spending a lot of her time shopping, gambling, and counseling others in AA and Alateen. She was gone a lot. So my affair with D.W. carried on without notice for almost 2 years. I was in love and just knew we were going to stay together forever. (looking back at that thought just makes me laugh now) He was now 17 and had started drinking more and more. Going to parties and having a good ol' time in high school. I was in the 8th grade playing the house wife getting ready to go into high school. He yelled at me one night about how he couldn't trust me with the high school boys. Then 2 days later he came home with a ring of hickies around his neck. He had cheated on me with the girl down the street. I was heart broken and I called it off.

He did not take me breaking up with him well at all. He would come on to me, making advances toward me. I learned quickly that it was either , fight him or F**k him. I got pretty good at fighting because of him and that would cause me to pay the ultimate price later. Hmm, let me see... There were too many fights to tell about them all but there are a few I have scars from. He knocked me through the bathroom wall once when I refused to kiss him, the 2"x4" ripped a piece of the skin on my left shoulder. He tried to hug me once in the living room and when I yanked away from him, he grabbed my arm and slammed me into the door way. Then picked me up and threw me about 4 ft. It was the bunk bed that stopped me and I hit it hard. There were screws on the side I had hit and they tore me in 3 places as I slid down them. It seemed like it took forever for the bleeding to stop. One of the worst fights took place in the house next door to our little house. We had moved there briefly when the neighbors had moved away. The big house was taking more money than my parents had expected so there we were still trying to make the best of it. D.W came in to my room and I was in the closet picking out my clothes, he came from behind trying to pin me there in the closet, pulling at the clothes I had on. I ducked out and as I was trying to open the door to run when he grabbed me and threw me across the room. I guess throwing my tiny 98 lb body was becoming a favorite thing for him. I hit the edge of my twin sized home made wooden framed bed right across the 2'x4' edge. He came over and grabbed me, we ended up on the floor and he was trying really hard to push himself on me. Trying to kiss me, I was screaming and crying and trying to punch him. I managed to reach the cord to my boombox and pulled it down on top of his head. For those of you who don't know what a boombox was, It's a large portable radio with duel cassette about 2 feet in length and mine weighed quite a bit. It hit him just hard enough for me to get out from under him and run out of the house. I hid till mom came home. The next day there were huge bruises on my butt from where I had hit the bed. Hair pulling, busted lips, and tossing me around was getting to be an everyday thing. He was worse when he had been drinking.

When I was about 15 1/2 when he came home very drunk and started trying to make out with me. I fought him off till he started punching me. I went numb all over and just laid there crying till he passed out on me. I pushed him off me and went to the bathroom and curled up in a tub of very hot water, crying quietly as not to wake him and provoke him into hurting me again. I had a bad experience when I was 6 where I got badly burnt by the water coming out of the shower so bathes became a comfort zone for me and still are.

After that day I cried and shook almost every time I saw him. He came toward me one night and I took off running. Screaming at him to stay away from me. I ran and ran trying to crawl through barbed wire fencing. I ripped both my legs open on the barbed wire fence. Then I felt someone grab my feet. My big brother T. thought his little sister was going crazy so he helped D.W catch me that night. All I remember is crying and screaming rape over and over again, I had no idea it was my big bubba T who had a hold of me, I thought it was D.W. The cops came and rescued me and I still told no one.

About a month after that one of my friends had came forward saying that D.W had raped her. I stood up for her and defended her. No one understood why I would defend her since she had been known to make up lies. I decided it was time to tell mom why I knew he was capable of such an act. I remember it so well, her response... "It takes 2 to tango." My mom up to that point had been one of my hero's. I was crushed. My friend came out and said she lied and now I was standing alone seemingly in the dark facing a monster no one believed really was a monster. That happened again later in my life with another man. Shortly after telling mom about D.W and her making me feel like it was just as much my fault as it was his, I ran away. I was picked up by the police and taken to the hope house and kept for a few nights. I told mom it was either him or me. That summer I had to move to my sisters.

When school started back up I tried to go back. I also had a boyfriend B.L. and a few very close friends in Shawnee that I missed. It was not the smartest choice I have ever made. I had nightmares and anger problems that caused me to be disrespectful to my sister and everyone else for that matter. So I thought it would be best to move back.

My stomache turned and I started getting the shakes every time I saw him. I just couldn't live with that terror everyday. Now 16, I told my mom I was moving out. She tried to stand in my way and tried to get me to hit her. I just moved her out of the way and as I was leaving she was yelling out what about little bubba T.C. I looked back at her and remember saying, "I guess you are going to have to play mom now because I am finished. Besides I didn't adopt him, you did." It hurt me so bad to walk away from T.C but I had to.

I moved in with C.B and her mother out in Earlsboro and that's where I met D.D who soon became my first husband.

At some point in my marriage, word had gotten back to me that D.W was with a girl who looked a lot like me. They all said he's just trying to replace you. He even said to someone that he still loved me. I worried about her alot but I had no idea even what her name was at the time. I tried to block him out and live my own life with my new husband and soon to be, new baby.

It's a boy! Oh what a happy day that was. I was living the American dream. Till my husband started staying out late and coming home drunk. I was 18 and didn't even have my drivers license yet. My husband was 5 years older than I was and he knew very little about D.W except that he was drunk the night he raped me. So he should have known that just the smell of beer on a man made me sick and it tore open those not so old wounds. I hated the smell of alcohol, I could feel the crushing weight of him again pinning me there making it hard to breathe, just by the smell. One night my husband came home and was trashed. I smelled him as he came toward me. I screamed and ran from him but looking back it was not him I was running from. I hid beside the water bed headboard crying and repeating please don't hurt me. D.D grabbed my arm to pull me out from beside the headboard causing me to hit my head on the corner, I went black for a second. I freaked out, screaming don't touch me and Running away from him. He got in my way at one point and tried to stop me from leaving pushing me backward, I hit the edge of the door behind me and fell to the floor. I saw red and came up swinging. I was not going to let another man hurt me. I tried but I couldn't leave him because we had a son together. The worst part was now every time we started arguing I started hitting before he had the chance to hit me.

Yep, you guessed it. I became the abuser. I fought with my husband off and on for 6 years till my son got in the middle of one of our fights trying to protect me and D.D slung my baby boy against the wall to get him out of the way. I had never seen D.D hurt my boy and I knew that the only reason D.D hurt him that day was because of me. So I decided to leave, for mine and my sons own good. D.D let me and my baby stay in the house but the fighting didn't stop. I fought time and time again with D.D during the divorce. Ah and I forgot to mention D.W resurfaced through drunken calls from Germany saying he was coming home to me. Scared, confused, terrorized, and heart broken I continued fighting with my soon to be exhusband. Resulting in me getting arrested for assaulting him, the charges were later dropped but the damage was done. There I was the violent crazy mother with a criminal history. I couldn't prove I would never hurt my son so the judge gave D.D custody. Looking back I carry no blame on the judge knowing what was presented to him.

D.D kept me from seeing my son and I had no money to take it back to court to enforce the visitations. Now introducing Monster number 2. Oh he seemed like such a good man. Till the door closed... Stronger, meaner and smarter this man was who you warn your kids about and I was pregnant with his baby before I figured that out. I bowed up to CN after seeing him knock his 4 year old son down by hitting him in the back of the head just because he got in the way of the tv, yep that caused the first big violent fight of many. I broke up with C.N after he tackled me trying to make me miscarry my baby because he didn't want more children. He tried this again with another woman and ended up successful when she actually miscarried her baby a few days later.

I moved away from CN and moved in with L.J a man who made me a better offer. We were married within 3 months. This made both of my exes really mad. Funny thing is my ex D.D had used C.N as an excuse to keep me away from my son and then during my custody battle with CN My sons dad D.D let him move in with him. Yep, My Daughters dad CN moved in with my sons dad D.D. When I went to court they had made up some really impressive lies and it was 2 against one. I lost custody of my baby girl to that monster. I found out a few years later that My sons dad actually wanted custody of my baby girl and thought if he helped CN get her it would be easier to get her away from him. Sad thing is, he enabled my baby girl to get abused for so many years because of his selfishness. I reported the abuse to DHS child welfare but they kept saying he is such a good daddy. They told me I was just angry because I lost custody. My baby girl would not speak up for fear of what he would do if he found out she talked.

I was in a very bad depression. I opened a thrift store because I couldn't keep a job anywhere else. I became my own boss, I used the store to learn about people. I started talked to people. Women, men and children. Listening mostly, about life and all the bad things that happened to people of all sorts. I found out that what I went through and what my daughter was going through was nothing compared to what some women survived. It opened my eyes to the fact I needed to redo my life. My thinking abd most of all I needed to get rid of my temper if I ever stood a chance of saving my daughter from her father. So, I started the 12 step program to heal and to get rid of my anger issues. Part of that healing process was asking forgiveness from those you had harmed. D.D. thought I was trying to get back together with him? EWE. Then came the hardest part confronting those who have wronged you. I had to confront D.W the man who started this domino effect. I just happened to see him working on a house one day. I passed him by, then backed up and got out of the car. I tore into him about how he hurt me. I took the power he had over me back and I watched him cry. I felt relief that I gave him what I carried for so long. Over all It took about 5 years to recover from my anger addiction and my depression but I did it. I divorced L.J aka my better offer and I started new.

My daughters dad was threatened by the judge during one of the times he had taken me back to court trying to keep me on the defense. My girl was around 5 year old and After that C.N stopped hitting my baby girl and started hitting his girlfriend and her son. During one of their fights he pinned her down while she was pregnant and started punching her in the stomach till she miscarried. The baby came out in the toilet a few days later and he took the dead fetus and showed my 6 year old little girl and his girlfriends 5 year old son. Being a victim of the abused spouse syndrome she stayed and ended up having a baby girl by him. When the girl was 2 she left , to save them both. The girl is living with grandma and mom 1/2 the time and dad the other 1/2. A week on, a week off. So keep her in your prayers that she will be saved from the terror my baby lived through.

My daughter was terrified of going to court because of what he might do to her so I promised her I would not push her to talk. She came to me when she was ten and decided she could handle testifying against her dad. I took her to my attorney and after 10 minutes she came out crying. I asked her again are you sure you want to do this and she said she would be ok. She might be a little emotional but she could deal with her emotions. It was by the grace of God that she didn't have to testify. We were assigned a guardian Ad litem named Allan Grubb who won her over pretty quickly to where she was able to talk to him about things she really couldn't talk to anyone else about except me. Between than and the fact that During one of their talks C.N admitted to Allan there was domestic violence between him and the step mom in the recent past, along with the house being very bad. We won without going to court. After all those years I saved her.

You know there are so many more things that happened with CN but my daughter doesn't need to hear them. I posted only the things she knew about or experienced first hand. She once told me her dad was a bad man. I corrected her and said there are parts of him that are good and those are the parts you got. She loves her daddy and she knows he needs help. She never gives up hope that he can get better and be better but realistically I think we both know the answer to that. Especially after he just got into a fight with the new girlfriend.

Life is a series of roller coasters.

Roller Coasters

I don't mind a roller coaster. There are a lot of ups and downs, twists and turns, sometimes it flips you completely upside down, but you always seem to be going somewhere even if the end result is you are right back where you started from. You get off the coaster and continue on to the next ride.

Life is full of roller coasters.

You need to sit back a take a deep breath and depends on how crazy the ride maybe you need to say a prayer that you

make it through in one piece.

You may find that you are not healthy enough to get on a roller coaster. At that point you will have to do your best to avoid them at all costs. When life starts to flip you upside down, center yourself with a book, writing about it, prayer, or you may already have something that works. Force your mind back on level ground. When people come to you with their ups and downs and they do not directly involve you, maybe the best thing for you both is to redirect them to someone who likes roller coasters. Don't let people pull you into the middle of their problems unless you can handle being there.

Ok here is what I don't like. I rode one of these a year ago thinking no probem. I lay down on a glider looking thing, It's semi slow, and goes in a real big circle. I can handle that. Um the short answer is no! Just a few minutes on that ride got me so dizzy and sick that within 10 minutes I was curled up in a near by retail store restroom ..... after 10 to 15 minutes in the restroom I tried to regain stability. Left the rest room only to find myself back in there about 10 minutes later. Was driven home by a friend and spent the rest of the night in the comforts of my Own bathroom. Last I could recall it was 3 am and my head was still spinning. Never again! The problem for me and these types of rides. It scrambles my head. It doesn't seem to be going anywhere and hours after the ride is over your head won't stop spinning. I can not even handle watching someone doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. When people willingly get on rides such as these. The ones that take you in circles, They go no where, leave your head spinning, and you are sick to your stomach. I wonder if they ever feel like they are dog chasing your own tail?

So, What happens when you catch it? It only hurts you.

Have you seen people who try to get the dog to stop? Yep sometimes they get bit. Guess the dogs reasoning is, it's my tail I can bite it if I want. So unless the dog is seriously hurting himself the logical thing to do is let the dog chase it's tail. So why are some of us compelled to try to get the dog to stop. For me, probably so I don't have to watch it myself. Watching just makes me dizzy and sick. I don't know what I would do if my own dog did this. Would I have to give it away to save myself from the pain or could I learn to watch without getting sick? Why should I go through the suffering till I find out? Because I love the dog.....

I am old enough now to know watching is not good for me so I would make the hard choice and give up the dog, maybe to some kids that think it's funny and record it to put on youtube. In other words I need just stay completely away from these types of rides.

Give me a Roller coaster any day. Eventually, I will get older and at some point I will have to give up roller coasters too.

Y W B M Internet love

The Poem "You Will Be Mine"

"Y W B M" My Internet love

You sent a flirt or two

You teased me, I teased you

You warmed my heart with your smile

You drew me in for a while

My mind raced, heart skipped a beat

My sanity laced around wanting to meet

I fell in love with your mind

One like you is hard to find

4 words crossed my mind

You Will Be Mine

Finally we embrace

Our heart race

Meeting there on could 9

We stole a moment in time

A romance not meant to last

Now a memory of the past

Circumstances had prevailed

Thus reality unveiled

But for one moment in time

You Were Briefly Mine

Stephanie Philbrick

Just my view on a typical internet Love affair :)

Lyme disease

What Lyme disease Feels like

The neighbor Greg (my lover and my friend) and I were heading back from Lavern, Oklahoma when I started getting a headache, I assumed it was from the drive. We were there for memorial day paying respect to his lost loved ones. The next few days the headaches got worse and my arms, knees and back started hurting.

The family reunion was being held the following weekend at Sportsman's lake in Seminole so Friday I rode with the neighbor to take my brothers camper to the lake. Came home with the neighbor feeling weak, drained and tired. I had to head back up there to drop off a few things and when the neighbor went to give me a kiss I barely kissed him, then pulled back. He was a little offended and I told him if you knew how I felt right now you would understand. I hurt all over, It's hard to explain , My skin just hurts.

While back at the lake with my family I started getting dizzy and feeling sick. I told everyone good night and started heading home in my little beretta. On the way home my skin began to burn like I had a sun burn all over but I had not been in the sun much at all that day. I assumed I was running a fever. The dizziness made my stomach turn and I had to pull over twice to ... relieve the pain. I thought about stopping at the ER at three different points but I was worried that I would not even make it to the door. It was 1:30am and there were no other cars out otherwise I would not have taken the chance trying to drive home. If I died it would suck but taking someone else out with me was out of the question. I called the neighbor when I got a little closer and asked him to have a thermometer ready because I just knew I had to be running a fever.

At the neighbor's house.. We took my temp and it was actually 96.2 so I was chilled? I asked the neighbor to run a hot bath for me. Figured if I was chilled the only way to get rid of the pounding in my head was to bring my body temp up. It worked as I laid slumped partially over the edge of the tub to keep from drowning, the pain eased and I started feeling sleepy. I crawled out of the tub to the floor and reached up grabbing the towel and stumbled a few times trying to walk before I finally gave up, my knees just hurt too bad, so I finished crawling to the bed. I drug the towel up with me and just laid on top of the towel. The neighbor was asleep on the couch and didn't know just how sick I really was.


Saturday We had no idea what was wrong with me so we decided I just might be dehydrated. The neighbor loaded me up with Gatoraid and water. Funny thing is my sinuses and stomach were fine. I just hurt all over and my skin still felt like it was on fire, I could hardly move my arms or legs.

The migraines would not ease up and by Sunday I knew I could not work. Boss man Yksel(aka Telli) owner of Frateli's Italian Restaurant told me to go to the doctor. The neighbor had things he had to do so he went down and paid $120 for the doctor visit then Gary and his daughter Marie came to the house and picked me up. Marie bless her heart, she stayed right by my side helping me walk. With no definite reasons for all my symptoms the doctor treated me for the headaches and sent me home.

Monday the pain was so intense it hurt severely just to lift up my arm. It burned like I had been lifting 100lbs over and over again. I could not walk with out help and my hip joints felt like someone was stabbing me there. My speech was starting to badly slur and I could not feel parts of my face. When I was talking to Joe Winett on the phone I was telling him what was going on and he told me it sounds like you have Lyme disease. After looking it up, I figuring he was probably right. I talked to the doctor once again. She agreed and added that it sounds like I was in the second stage. She put me on medication for it and Tommy paid for the prescription. By the third dose, The all over burning feeling went away. By the time a week passed, The headaches were few and far between. It took a week and a half to get to where it was not extremely painful to walk. I couldn't work for about 3 weeks. Most of which I could not sleep laying down because the pain in my shoulders was too intense. Just the weight of my own body made them hurt too bad. I don't take drugs and wouldn't have taken a pain reliever that was not over the counter even if I had any. When I would start crying while I was laying in bed in extreme pain I would just tell myself ,"shut up you are a lot better now than you were a week ago."

My current status

Thanks to the help and support of all my friends and family I feel great. Occasionally my shoulders still hurt. My lower back hurts most of the time but it's bearable. I have over come something that took me down and threatened to take me out.

So a personal thank you to those who aided in saving my life. Telli, Greg, Gary, Marie, Joe Winett, Dr. Pasquali, Tommy, and the rest of my friends and family who checked up on me and brought me food. I love you all and God bless you for taking care of me. Greg and Tommy paid my bills for the month I missed work so thank God for that as well.

Below is more about the disease........

What is Lyme disease

Lyme disease is a bacterial illness caused by a bacterium called a "spirochete." In the United States, the name of the bacterium is Borrelia burgdorferi. Certain ticks found on deer harbor the bacterium in their stomachs. Lyme disease is spread by these ticks when they bite the skin, which permits the bacterium to infect the body. Lyme disease is not contagious from an affected person to someone else. Lyme disease can cause abnormalities in the skin, joints, heart, and nervous system.

Bullseye Rash

In the early phase of the illness, within days to weeks of the tick bite, the skin around the bite develops an expanding ring of unraised redness. There may be an outer ring of brighter redness and a central area of clearing, leading to a "bull's-eye" appearance. Patients often can't recall the tick bite (the ticks can be as small as the periods in this paragraph). Also, they may not have the identifying rash to signal the doctor. More than one in four patients never get a rash. The redness resolves, without treatment, in about a month.

Second Stage

Weeks to months after the initial redness of the skin, the bacteria and their effects spread throughout the body. Subsequently, disease in the joints, heart, and nervous system can occur.

Third stage

The later Stages of Lyme disease can affect the heart, causing inflammation of the heart muscle. This can result in abnormal heart rhythms and heart failure. The nervous system can develop facial muscle paralysis (Bell's palsy), abnormal sensation due to disease of peripheral nerves (peripheral neuropathy), meningitis, and confusion. Arthritis, or inflammation in the joints, begins with swelling, stiffness, and pain. Usually, only one or a few joints become affected, most commonly the knees. The arthritis of Lyme disease can look like many other types of inflammatory arthritis and can become chronic.

Treatment

Most cases of Lyme disease are curable with antibiotics. This is so true that some authors of Lyme disease research have stated that the most common cause of lack of response of Lyme disease to antibiotics is a lack of Lyme disease to begin with! The type of antibiotic depends on the stage of the disease (early or late) and what areas of the body are affected.< full article